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Friday 7-21-17

 

Ten Signs You're Living the 'Modern' American Dream

 

A recent survey had people name the top signs you're living the "modern" American dream.  It's not exactly clear what that MEANS, but they posted a list of the top 30 answers, and some of them aren't that crazy.

 

 

There are a few big ones, like owning a $40,000 car and having at least $35,000 in savings.  But here are ten that are a lot more attainable.  They're a nice reminder of how good most Americans have it, even if it doesn't always feel that way . . .

 

 

1.  Having a Netflix subscription.

 

2.  Voting, because it means you're a U.S. citizen.

 

3.  Being able to buy gadgets every now and then, like a new phone.

 

4.  Having steak at least once a month.

 

5.  Being able to donate old clothes to Goodwill, because you don't like them anymore.

 

6.  Having enough free time to do leisurely stuff, like going on walks or bike rides.

 

7.  Shopping at Whole Foods.  (???)

 

8.  Owning a big-screen TV.

 

9.  Having a fridge with an ice dispenser.

 

10.  Being able to take a day off work without having to worry about being fired.

 

 

 

Everyone has that friend who insists that "Seinfeld" is the worst sitcom of ALL TIME . . . just to be a contrarian.  Well, not everyone likes "Seinfeld", but there are definitely a lot of sitcoms that are worse.

 

TheWrap.com has a list of 'The 31 Worst Sitcoms of All Time.'  They are, in no particular order:

 

 

1.  "Cavemen", ABC, 2007.  It only lasted one season.

 

2.  "George", ABC, 1993-1994.  It only lasted one season and starred George Foreman.

 

3.  "Harry & the Hendersons", syndication, 1991 to 1993.  It lasted three seasons.

 

4.  "Homeboys in Outer Space", UPN, 1996 to 1997.  It only lasted one season.

 

5.  "Ferris Bueller", NBC, 1990 to 1991.  It only lasted one season.

 

6.  The "Friends" spin-off "Joey", NBC, 2004 to 2006.  It lasted two seasons.

 

7.  "Yes, Dear", CBS, 2000 to 2006.  It lasted six seasons.

 

8.  "Dads", Fox, 2013 to 2014.  It only lasted one season.

 

9.  "AfterMASH", CBS, 1983 to 1985.  It lasted two seasons.

 

10.  "Rob!", CBS, 2012.  It only lasted one season and starred Rob Schneider.

 

11.  "The Paul Reiser Show", NBC, 2011.  It only lasted one season.

 

12.  "The Ropers", ABC, 1979 to 1980.  It lasted two seasons.

 

13.  The American version of "Coupling", NBC, 2003.  It only lasted one season.

 

14.  "2 Broke Girls", CBS, 2011 to 2017.  It lasted six seasons.

 

15.  "The Great Indoors", CBS, 2016 to 2017.  It only lasted one season.

 

16.  "My Mother the Car", NBC, 1965 to 1966.  It only lasted one season.

 

17.  "[Stuff] My Dad Says", CBS, 2010 to 2011.  It only lasted one season.

 

18.  "Emily's Reasons Why Not", ABC, 2006.  It only lasted one EPISODE and starred Heather Graham.

 

19.  "Work It", ABC, 2012.  It only lasted two EPISODES. 

 

It was about two guys who disguised themselves as women because of the bad economy, sort of like "Bosom Buddies".  It starred Amaury Nolasco, the guy who plays Fernando Sucre on "Prison Break".

 

20.  "Imaginary Mary", ABC, 2017.  It only lasted one season.

 

21.  "1600 Penn", NBC, 2012 to 2013.  It only lasted one season.

 

22.  "Joanie Loves Chachi", ABC, 1982 to 1983.  It lasted two seasons.

 

23.  "The Millers", CBS, 1023 to 2015.  It lasted two seasons.

 

24.  "Are You There, Chelsea?", NBC, 2012.  It only lasted one season.

 

25.  "My Big Fat Greek Life", CBS, 2003.  It only lasted one season.

 

26.  "The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer", UPN, 1998.  It only lasted four episodes.

 

27.  "The Hard Times of RJ Berger", MTV, 2010 to 2011.  It lasted two seasons.

 

28.  "Angel from Hell", CBS, 2016.  It only lasted one season.

 

29.  "Bad Judge", NBC, 2014 to 2015.  It only lasted one season.

 

30.  "Mulaney", Fox, 204 to 2015.  It only lasted one season.

 

31.  "Mama's Family", NBC, 1983 to 1990.  It lasted six seasons.

 

 

(Is there a show that in your book DESERVES a place on this list . . . or is there a show that you think SHOULDN'T be on this list?)

 

 

 

For the past few years, Lay's has been running their "Do Us a Flavor" contest, where anyone can submit an idea for a new flavor of potato chips . . . no matter HOW strange it is . . . and then they actually make a few of them.

 

They just announced the three finalists for this year, which you'll actually be able to buy in stores . . . and, honestly, they're all pretty tame.  Especially compared to the past years, which had flavors like cappuccino, gyros, and gravy.

 

This year's finalists are . . .

 

1.  Everything Bagel.

 

2.  Fried Green Tomatoes.

 

3.  Crispy Taco.

 

All three of them will be in stores at the end of the month.  People can vote on which ones are the best, and the person who submitted the winner will get a $1 million grand prize.

 

 

The winners in the past have included things like Cheesy Garlic Bread . . . Wasabi Ginger . . . and Southern Biscuits and Gravy.  (Foodbeast)

 

 

Wednesday 7-19-17

 

Q: 29% of online voters said they believe doing THIS in public is wrong.. What is it? 

A: Applying Makeup 

 

 

There's a dating app called Hater that matches people up by what they HATE.  And they just analyzed their data to figure out what people in every state hate the most.  The results are ALL over the place, but here are 10 of our favorites . . .   (SEE THEM ALL HERE) 

 

 

1.  Minnesota . . . drinking alone.

 

2.  Colorado . . . 'N SYNC.

 

3.  Illinois . . . biting string cheese.

 

4.  Pennsylvania . . . people who use money clips.

 

5.  Nebraska . . . friendly reminder emails.

 

6.  Nevada . . . feminism.  Yikes!

 

7.  Missouri . . . people who believe in aliens.

 

8.  Iowa . . . long hair on guys.

 

9.  Hawaii . . . taking video at concerts.

 

10.  Louisiana . . . being the designated driver. 

 

 

 

 

Travis Adair says he and his family woke up Saturday morning to a loud thud on the roof of their house in Deerfield Beach, Florida. The family soon discovered the cause of the sound -- about 15 pounds of frozen Italian sausage packages landing on their home "I thought possibly it had fallen from a plane. I thought possibly it was something to do with a drug deal or something," Adair's wife, Jennie, said. "I would love to know what really happened, because it's just so, so odd." Their son Austin said in a YouTube video that he broke the meat open just in case, but there were "no drugs inside of the sausage." The packages were labeled William Land Service, a land clearing company in Alabama. "I called them and the guy had no idea what I was talking about and probably thought I was crazy," he said.    NEWS LINK HERE 

 

 

Tuesday 7-18-17

 

 

Q: 61% of people say doing THIS makes them feel guiltier than being late for work.  WHAT IS IT?

A: Eating Ice Cream

 

 

 

I'm not sure it's possible for anyone to think their boss is PERFECT.  But clearly it's possible . . . and, dare I say, easy . . . to think they're TERRIBLE.  According to a new survey, 44% of people say they've left a job because of a bad boss.

And here are the 10 worst things that bosses do . . .

 

 

1.  Taking credit for your work.

 

2.  Not trusting or empowering you.

 

3.  Not caring if you're overworked.

 

4.  Not fighting for you to get raises.

 

5.  Hiring or promoting the wrong people.

 

6.  Not backing you up when there's a disagreement between you and a client or customer.

 

7.  Not giving direction on assignments or roles.

 

8.  Micromanaging.

 

9.  Focusing more on your weaknesses than your strengths.

 

10.  Not setting clear expectations.

 

 

 

Most of us are carrying at least some debt.  And a lot of us are dealing with a soul-crushing TON of it.  So what's the best order to pay it off?  A new survey asked average Americans what they think.

 

 

Here are five different types of debt, and how we prioritize them . . .

 

 

1.  40% said paying off your CREDIT CARDS should be the top priority.  Which makes sense, because they usually have the highest interest rates.

 

 

2.  28% said paying your MORTGAGE should be first.  You don't want to lose your house, so that makes sense too.

 

 

3.  7% said paying off their STUDENT LOANS is #1.  Those usually have a lower interest rate though, and you've got a long time to pay them.  So it's not the end of the world if you just have to do the minimum monthly payment for a while.

 

 

4.  4% said paying down a HOME EQUITY loan should be the top priority.  Not all homeowners have those though.

 

 

5.  3% said paying off their CAR loan is the most important thing.

 

 

Another 17% of people in the survey said they're not sure what the right order is, and the remaining 1% would choose to prioritize some other random debt.

 

 

 

 

Celebrities like Whoopi Goldberg and Khloe Kardashian have released their summer reading lists.  Their lists contained best sellers, and nothing found on this list of The Top Books that Didn't Make Anyone's Summer Reading List.

 

 

"Jared Kushner's Guide to Forgetting Meetings"

 

 

"The Seven Habits of Highly Inbred People"

 

 

"The Diary of a Middle-Aged Cat Lady"

 

 

"Steve Harvey's Family Feud Guide to Tricking Old Women into Saying Penis on TV, Then Pretending You're Shocked When They Do"

 

 

"Mike Pence's Guide to How to Talk to Women Who Aren't Your Wife"

 

 

"The Tweets of Wrath"

 

 

"Think and Grow Pot for Your Medical Marijuana Dispensary"

 

 

"One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Don't Give Me Any Fish I'm Vegan"

 

 

"Little Women . . . Getting Mansplained to By Little Men"

 

 

"Todd Bridges of Madison County"

 

 

"Meth of a Salesman"

 

 

"The Catcher in the Pitcher".

 

 

"Harry Potter and the Confederate Flag Bumper Sticker"

 

 

"Donald and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Comb-Over"

 

 

"Chris Christie's Tips for Awesome Summer Vacations"

 

 

 

 

The copy of the “Double Fantasy” album that JOHN LENNON signed for Mark David Chapman just five hours before he shot him to death is up for sale through memorabilia dealer Moments in Time with an asking price of $1.5 million. The album has

Chapman’s forensically enhanced fingerprints and a police evidence marker. The album has changed hands a number of times since, selling for $150,000 in 1998 and most recently in 2010 for $850,000.

 

 

Here’s why you should always read the terms and conditions before you sign anything. British WiFi hotspot provider Purple recently slipped something unexpected into their agreement. Terms and conditions included performing community service tasks such as cleaning up animal waste at local parks, providing hugs to stray cats and dogs, manually relieving sewer blockages, cleaning portable toilets at local festivals and events, painting snail shells to brighten up their existence and scraping chewing gum off the streets. Purple said they pulled the prank to call attention to the fact that people are regularly agreeing to terms that they may not actually like, such as sharing data about their web browsing habits. The clause also noted that a prize would be given to anyone who actually read the terms and conditions and found the joke, but just one person claimed it.

 

 

 

Apparently this idiot never heard the phrase "cut your losses" . . .

 

A guy in Clearwater, Florida named Michael Mott got arrested back in January for selling drugs to undercover cops.  And they seized all the cash he had.  (We're not sure how old he is, but he looks like he's in his mid-20s.)

 

Then last Monday, he called 911 a total of NINETY-EIGHT TIMES in six hours to DEMAND they give him his money back.

 

He wouldn't tell them his name.  So even if they did want to give it back, they wouldn’t have known what he was talking about.

 

He even called the police chief's OFFICE at one point . . . and yelled at the person who picked up . . . but they eventually tracked him down.   According to police, their emergency lines were tied up all day because of it.  Obviously they had to answer every single call that came through.

 

 

Michael claims the state attorney's office isn't pursuing the drug charges anymore, so that's why he wanted the money back.  But now he's facing an additional charge for making harassing phone calls.  

 

 

 

 

Monday 7-17-17

 

Q:13% of people say they've "made coffee" with someone for THIS reason... 

A: Because they felt sorry for them

 

Legendary horror movie director GEORGE A. ROMERO died in his sleep yesterday . . . after a, quote, "brief but aggressive battle with lung cancer."  He was 77.  George was most famous for his zombie apocalypse movies . . . beginning with "Night of the Living Dead" in 1968.  He also did "Dawn of the Dead" in '78, "Day of the Dead" in '85, and later "Land of the Dead", "Diary of the Dead", and "Survival of the Dead".

 

Some of his other movies include:  "The Crazies" in 1973, "Martin" in 1978, "Creepshow" in 1982, "Monkey Shines" in 1988, and "The Dark Half" in 1993.

 

By the way, Romero wasn't a fan of "The Walking Dead" and the recent zombie resurgence.  He once said, quote, "['The Walking Dead' is] just a soap opera with a zombie occasionally.  I always used the zombie as a character for satire or a political criticism, and I find that missing in what's happening now."

 

 

 

https://madison.craigslist.org/crg/6194610216.html

 

A Madison, Wisconsin, couple posted an ad on Craigslist looking for a wedding photographer. The couple says they’re having trouble finding someone to take the job because it requires overtime.

 

 

 

An American Airlines Flight Was Just Grounded Over a Passenger's Terrible Flatulence.

You KNOW it's time to change your diet when your flatulence is bad enough to take down a PLANE.

An American Airlines flight was grounded yesterday afternoon at Raleigh-Durham International Airport in North Carolina after one passenger's gas was SO BAD that other people on the flight were getting NAUSEA and headaches.  Yes, really.

We don't have any other details, like where the flight was from or where it was supposed to be going, and I'm betting the guy who was stinking up the place hopes more info NEVER comes out.

 

 

If someone DUMPS you, it's almost impossible to concentrate on anything else . . . because all of your focus is on how you're definitely going to die alone, right?

 

That means you're probably useless at work . . . and at least one company realizes that.

 

An ad agency called IdeaXMachina in Pasig City in the Philippines just started offering "break up leave" . . . which is paid time off after you get dumped.

 

The CEO says that they decided to start the policy because they need their staff to have maximum creativity . . . and that's just not possible after a break up.

 

They've also added new policies where they'll give their staff $30 toward DATES up to six times a year . . . and they'll kick in $3,000 toward employees' weddings.  As far as we know, there aren't any companies over here that have perks like those.

 

 

It’ll be one small auction for man and one giant sale for mankind as moon dust that Neil Armstrong collected during the first

moonwalk will go up for auction this week. The July 20th auction will be held to mark the 48th anniversary of the first lunar stroll and the dust is expected to bring 2-to-$4 million. It's just one of 180 lots linked to space travel that Sotheby's is

auctioning off. After the owner sent the dust to NASA for testing, a legal battle ensued over its ownership and a judge eventually ruled against NASA, clearing the way for the sale.

 

 

You’ve no doubt surfed the Internet while at work, and probably have even bought something online on company time. However, a new British survey has found that 1.5 million people admitted to watching porn on a device issued by their employer. They also say 850,000 admitted to using a work device to take, store, and send nude selfies, with 1 in 10 saying they sexted with a work device. It’s also noted that clearing the cache still won’t prevent I.T. people from knowing what you’ve been doing. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday 7/13/17

 

Q: You waste 17 hours a year looking for this... what is it?

A: Parking! 

 

 

The best way to save the planet: don't have kids

 

Having children is easily the most destructive thing a person can do to the environment, according to a new study. By not having a child, the carbon footprint of an individual living in a developed country would be reduced on average by an extra 58.6 tons of carbon dioxide every year, based on current emission rates. The team from Lund University in Sweden came to this conclusion after conducting an analysis of all the things that individuals can do to produce less greenhouse gases. But they found that while we are told to recycle, no government in the western world is currently advising its citizens to limit their number of offspring. The study determined that the other three main things people can do to cut the amount of carbon dioxide they produce are to eat less meat, get rid of their car, and fly less.

 

 

Once upon a time, people could just have one job that would cover all of their financial needs.  But that has definitely changed, which is why we now live in the era of the SIDE HUSTLE.

 

According to a new survey, approximately 18% of Americans say they have a side hustle . . . which is different than a second job, because it's something that you do in your spare time on your own hours, like driving for Uber or selling stuff on eBay or Etsy.

 

86% of the people with a side hustle do it at least once a month, and 36% earn more than $500 a month from it.

 

Millennials are the most likely to have a side hustle . . . 28% have one and 96% do it at least once a month.

 

29 WAYS TO MAKE $ ON THE SIDE 

 

 

 

Camping season is here.  And to make sure your trip is awesome, check out The Top Tips for Having a Great Camping Trip.

 

The woods can be dangerous at night.  If you need wood for the fire, send your kids to get it.

 

Remember to pack water-resistant matches.  In case you need to light your bong during a flood.

 

Bring rope, duct tape, and a body bag.  Just in case a neighboring camper is blasting Justin Bieber music.

 

Keep a giant stick nearby to beat off wild animals.  That sounded weird.

 

It's a fact that insects will leave you alone if you maintain a blood-alcohol level above 1.5.

 

Let your boss know you're going so he/she can start her search for your replacement after you're bitten by an infected tick and gradually succumb to the horrors of disease.

 

Bring someone fat to shove in front of you when a bear charges.

 

 

Pick a good camping site . . . like a Marriott.

 

 

 

Tuesday 7/11/17

 

Q: 29% of people in a recent survey admitted that they never bothered to learn how to do THIS.  What is it?

A: Swim 

 

Ever wondered how many streets in this country have your name?  Or if a street with your name intersects with a street with your significant other's name?  Now there's a website that can help you out.

 

 

A guy named Jason Feifer, who's the editor of "Entrepreneur" magazine, just launched a website that you can type in any name or two, and the site will tell you how many streets have those names, and if they ever intersect.

 

 

 

There's a really weird Facebook post going viral and we'd LOVE it if you didn't fall for it.

 

People are sharing a message that you shouldn't accept a friend request from someone named Jayden K. Smith . . . because if you do, he's a hacker who will take over your Facebook profile.  And, of course, it's not true. There's no Jayden K. Smith and a hacker couldn't take over your profile just by becoming friends with you.  But hey, good news for WILL SMITH'S son JADEN . . . for at least one day, he's only the world's second-most annoying Jaden Smith. 

 

 

 

 

Does Alexa have First Amendment rights?

 

That's one of the questions at the heart of a legal battle between Amazon and Arkansas police. Victor Collins was found dead in James Bates' hot tub back in 2015, and Bates has been charged in his friend's murder. Believing an Amazon Echo found near the scene of the crime could hold important clues, police are seeking 48 hours worth of audio recordings—both the commands of the Echo user and the responses by its virtual assistant Alexa—from the device. But in a 90-page motion filed last week, Amazon claims those audio recordings are protected speech under the First Amendment, Forbes reports.

 

Amazon argues that not only would handing over the recordings possibly give the government unconstitutional access to the user's consumption of books, music, and other content, but that Alexa's responses are an extension of Amazon's protected speech. A law professor says Amazon has a "surprisingly" good case as long as Alexa is viewed as an extension of the company. Amazon says police are just hoping to find something in the recordings and must prove they're necessary to the case, Ars Technica reports. According to TechCrunch, Amazon worries about the precedent this case could set having a chilling effect as virtual assistants like Alexa continue to gain in popularity.

 

 

 

With the Major League Baseball All-Star Game being played tonight, it's a good time to check out this list of The Top Things Heard in Baseball that Sound Dirty.

 

He caught him by surprise with a backdoor slider.

 

Check out how they doubled up on him.

 

He catches the splitter with the tip of his stick and delivers a dribbler up the middle.

 

He got to third base and now he could go all the way.

 

Wow, the Twins look very impressive today!

 

He's gonna try to slide right in underneath him.

 

He's rockin' back and forth the entire time he's in the box.

 

Now everyone's gathering at the mound.

 

He just barely got the tip on it.

 

This big guy at the plate is known for the long ball.

  

I'm a huge fan of Pujols.  (Poo holes)

 

And ALL THREE MEN will score!

 

Man, that ball was just foul.

 

Wow, he had to go deep into the hole to get that ball!

  

That's two balls in a row that almost hit him right in the chin.

 

This pitcher has great chemistry with his catcher.

 

He always goes in headfirst!

 

The catcher earns his living on his knees.

  

He got good wood on that one!

 

 

 

 

Monday 7/10/17

 

Q: 22% of women won’t date a man who does THIS…

 

A: Earns less money than she does

 

 

 

Women who show more cleavage in the workplace are seen better bosses and appear more powerful.

Researchers found women who showed more skin were seen as more forceful especially to female coworkers.  But bosses who buttoned up were perceived as less powerful and mature, undermining their influence on staff.

 

 

11-year-old Emily Pooler has been fighting since birth, a birth that came 7 weeks early. She has 17 different medical conditions and takes 14 different medications and right now, she’s doing well. In 2014, doctors told Pooler she had stage four chronic kidney disease and would need a new kidney in a year and a half, three years later… she and her family are still looking. If you’d like to donate, you can call the Maine Transplant Clinic at 207-662-7180 x 4, you need to have blood type A or O and tell them you want to get tested to see if you can be a donor match for Emily Pooler, 11 years old of Auburn, Maine.

 

 

 

Friday 7/7/17

 

Q: Women are 50% more likely than men to do this while getting ready for work, what is it?

A: Sing in the shower!

 

 

The average person spends about 22 minutes a day daydreaming, according to a new survey.  And apparently, the rest of you are managing to focus on a lot of stuff in your daydreams that ISN'T weird and sexual.   

 

Here are the 10 most common things people daydream about . . .

 

1.  Winning the lottery or suddenly being rich.

 

2.  Going on vacation.

 

3.  Being somewhere exotic.

 

4.  Sex.

 

5.  Being on a beach.

 

6.  Doing something adventurous.

 

7.  Actually speaking your mind.

 

8.  Meeting "the one."

 

9.  Quitting your job.

 

10.  Errands you need to do.

 

 

 

A product called "The X Suit" has been raising a ton of money on Kickstarter this week.  It basically looks like a normal men's suit.  But the material is a lot stretchier, and you can supposedly wear it every day and NEVER get it dry-cleaned. It's also wrinkle-proof, so you can ball it up in a suitcase.  It has an odor-proof lining, so it won't get all STANKY if you wear it five days in a row.  And they claim it's so stain-resistant that you can pour red wine on it, and it beads right off. And if that's still not DUDE enough for you, there's also a "sport" version with a detachable HOODIE.  (???)  Each suit costs $300, and they say they'll deliver them by October.  Just search for "The X Suit" on Kickstarter.com.

 

 

Someone posted a list online of common BEER MYTHS.  Even if you're a big beer drinker, here are six you might still believe . . .

 

Myth #1:  If you let beer get hot then cold again, it'll get skunked.  This one's mostly an issue with terminology.  Beers can taste a little bit STALE if you do that.  But "skunking" is specifically what happens when beer is exposed to light for too long.

 

Myth #2:  Dark beers are stronger.  But the truth is they CAN be, but not always.  The color doesn't actually have much to do with alcohol content.  The grains they use to make dark beer are just roasted longer.

 

Myth #3:  Beer is best if it's ice cold.  The perfect temperature is actually somewhere between 40 and 44 degrees for most beers.  Any colder than that, and you can't really taste it.  Some heavier beers are better at around 55 degrees.

 

Myth #4:  Lagers and pilsners are the same thing.  Not quite.  A pilsner is actually a TYPE of lager.  It's a light beer, but lagers can also be dark, malty, and really strong.

 

Myth #5:  Craft IPAs taste better if you let them age a little.  That's only true for certain beers with a really high alcohol content.  Everything else tends to taste better fresh.

 

Myth #6:  Beer always tastes better in a bottle than it does in a can.  Obviously it's subjective.  But beer actually stays fresher in cans, because they protect it from light and oxygen better than bottles do.

 

 

 

Thursday 7/6/17

 

Q: If you're married there's about a 75% chance you're doing this less than you're supposed to be, what's the answer?

A: Exercise!

 

How to Do as Little Work as Possible Without Getting Fired

 

The Boss Key: Know It, Use It, Live by It

The "boss key" is an essential tool in your slacking arsenal, able to instantly swap between two or more active programs—say, your browser window and that TPS report you are supposed to be working on.  Sure you could set up a custom boss key, but the entire point of this exercise is to do less work, not more, and teaching yourself scripting sounds suspiciously like extra effort. If you're on a PC or Chromebook, just tap Alt-Tab (Mac users can press Apple-Tab) to quickly cycle through the active programs on your desktop and pull up the one you're supposed to be on.  Rearrange your desk so that the screen is facing away from all doors, cubicle windows, and high-flow traffic routes—basically anywhere that your boss could potentially sneak up on you from.

Similarly, turn down the screen brightness as far as you can stand to make it as difficult to read from distance as possible. If you insist on wearing headphones while slacking off, be sure to leave one ear uncovered so you can hear your boss approaching.

 

Get in Late, Get Out Early

If you're not going to be accomplishing anything, there's really not much point in actually being physically in the office. Obviously the following techniques won't work if you're hourly or your company employs punch cards to track attendance but if you're salaried, just show up five minutes late. See what happens. If your boss starts to notice.. get some props—namely a half-eaten bran muffin and half a cup of iced coffee. It has to be iced coffee otherwise the fact that it isn't steaming will give you away. Store these two items in your desk drawer and pull them out before you leave each evening (preferably after the boss has already cut out).

Leave them on your desk along with some open file folders to make the next morning look like you're not only hard at work first thing in the AM but that you've also beaten all of your colleagues into the office.

 

Getting out of work in the afternoon is a bit more of a challenge, at least until your boss goes home for the night. I mean, there are only so many times you can claim a sick pet or parent-teacher meeting before your supervisors get hip to the scam. So while you may not be able to actually go home early, there is one tried and true method of slacking in the afternoon: the PM coffee run. Offer to not only fly but also buy. If performed about ninety minutes before the end of the day, not only will you have a legitimate excuse for being out of the office during the end-of-day work crunch, you'll earn brownie points for being such a team player.

 

Look Busy Without Really Trying

Shaving five minutes from the start and end of your day can only do so much. If you really want to slack like a pro, you're going to need to figure out how to appear occupied even if you're not. In short, be a Chatty Cathy. Roam the halls of your office building, stopping by any open door, break room, or cubicle stall to "synergize" and "collaborate" with any co-worker that is even halfway willing to listen. Be sure to ask about their kids, people love talking about their kids and will do so at length—allowing you to not only "build rapport" with your co-worker but also shave valuable hunks of time off your work day. Just keep them talking.

 

 

You can try a similar technique with your supervisor. Take the memo laden with industry buzzwords and random acronyms to your supervisor and ask for a detailed explanation of what on earth it's talking about. The best part of this technique is that it doesn't even need to be done face-to-face. With a little practice, you can turn any email chain into an eye-glazing morass of replies, corrections, and clarifications. Just be sure not to overdo it; you want to be just persistent enough to keep stringing people along, not so obtuse that they get fed up with your endless line of questioning.

 

It can be hard work not doing any, but with a little practice, you can get away with just about anything—or doing just about nothing—on any given weekday.

 

 

Here's something for anyone planning an actual VACATION this summer.  It's six things you should do the day before your vacation starts . . .

 

1.  Clean up.  Meaning your home, and also your desk at work.  It's just a lot nicer if you don't have to come back to a mess.

 

2.  Set up your out-of-office message.  Meaning your voicemail and your email.  A lot of people forget to do so.

 

3.  Double-check all your reservations.  Like flight times and hotel dates.  It'll help you relax and not stress out about it.  And if anything's wrong, you want to deal with it BEFORE your vacation starts, not in the middle of it.

 

4.  Make sure you have all your documents together in one spot.  Like plane tickets, your license, or your passport if you're leaving the country.

 

5.  Charge all your devices.  Like your phone, tablet, computer, and camera if you're bringing one.  Then when you pack them, just make sure you pack the cords too.

 

6.  Make a list of stuff you need to do when you get BACK.  Do one for personal chores, and one for work tasks.  That way you're prepared, and won't have to worry about stuff while you're on vacation.  So it'll be easier to just relax.

 

 

A woman in Portland, Oregon quit her job to travel around the world after she saved $30,000 in eight months by eating lunch out of the trash.

The 32-year-old woman was able to quit her finance job by eating the leftovers.

 

While dieting on scraps, she also cut her social spending and shopping so she was able to travel around Latin America for an entire year.  

 

Now she writes about her finances through her humorous blog, named Dumpster Dog Blog which was the nickname her former coworkers gave her.  

 

 

 

Crayola retired the dandelion-colored crayon and now they need your help to choose its replacement.

 

Voting is open in the company's contest to name the color of a new crayon, which will be a shade of blue.

 

There are five names to choose from: Blue Moon Bliss, Bluetiful, Dreams Come Blue, Reach For The Stars and Star Spangled Blue. Fans can vote once each day until the contest ends August 31.

 

 

Daily prizes will be awarded to those who vote, and all entries qualify for a grand prize of a four-person trip to the Crayola Experience attraction in Orlando.

 

 

 

Wednesday 7/5/17

 

Q: Experts estimate you can get 27,000 miles out of THIS... What is it?

A: A shopping cart! 

 

MORONS

 

Despite his name, Florida’s Bradley Barefoot doesn’t like walking. Police in Port Orange recently spotted a forklift with a mattress on it parked in a handicap spot and Barefoot, who wasn’t wearing shoes at the time, talking to himself while swearing and throwing his hands up. Barefoot first told the officer he took the forklift because he thought it had been stolen from his boss in Alabama, but later admitted he took the vehicle because he was tired of walking and he noticed the keys had been left in the ignition. Barefoot was arrested, just as he was last year when he stole another forklift and drove it to a Bob Evans restaurant because he didn't feel like walking.

 

 

Firefighters near Kennewick, Washington, spent about an hour extinguishing a 15-acre blaze along Interstate 82 on Monday afternoon, which forced closure of the highway. Fire crews might not have had to extinguish the blaze had the engine in their new $215,000 fire truck not blown up and start the fire.

 

 

 

According to a new study, eating CHOCOLATE before dinner might help you lose weight, because it suppresses your appetite.  But before you get too excited, it has to be DARK chocolate.

 

Researchers in England had three groups of women eat a tiny bit of chocolate before meals, and tracked them for three weeks to see how much they ate.

 

Some of them had dark chocolate, some had milk chocolate, and some had white chocolate.  And the ones who had dark chocolate consumed about 20% fewer calories during their next meal than the ones who ate milk chocolate.  But they felt just as full.

 

The ones who ate white chocolate actually ate the MOST . . . about 10% more calories than the milk chocolate group, and 30% more than the ones who ate dark chocolate.

 

So a TINY bit of dark chocolate before dinner might actually help you lose weight.  But obviously too much could do the opposite because of the extra calories.

  

They think it works because of a compound in chocolate that makes you digest carbs more slowly, which suppresses your appetite.  And there's more of the compound in dark chocolate than any other kind.

 

 

 

 

We've got a new study here and I'm not SURE this is the point . . . but what I'm getting from it is that you should just go on a four-year vacation right now and then accept that the rest of your life is going to be super boring.  Because according to this study, the average American spends four years and three months of their life escaping from reality.  That works out to about 13 hours a week. 

 

Here's how it breaks down . . .

 

1.  Listening to music . . . two hours and 47 minutes a week.

 

2.  Watching movies or TV . . . two hours and 37 minutes.

 

3.  Walking or exercising . . . one hour and 58 minutes.

 

4.  Reading . . . one hour and 35 minutes.

 

5.  Playing video games . . . one hour and 29 minutes.

 

6.  Exploring new places, even if it's just online . . . 56 minutes.

 

7.  Meditating or doing yoga . . . 51 minutes.

 

8.  Researching or thinking about vacations . . . 44 minutes.

 

 

The study also found we're most likely to daydream about being somewhere else at 1:56 P.M. on Mondays.

 

Friday 6/30/17

 

WHERE TO SEE FIREWORKS IN MAINE THIS HOLIDAY!! 

 

Auburn: Tuesday, July 4 at 9:30 p.m. from West Pitch Community Park along Androscoggin

 

Augusta: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. at Mill Park

 

Bar Harbor: Tuesday, July 4 at 9:15 p.m. from Pier at Frenchman Bay

 

Bath: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. over the Kennebec River

 

Bangor: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. from Darlings Waterfront Park

 

Beals Island: Saturday, July 1 at 9 p.m. at Perio Point

 

Belgrade: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. from floats on Long Pond

 

Bethel: Saturday, July 1 at 9 p.m. from the Bethel Inn Resort Golf Course

 

Biddeford: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. from 109 Mile Strecth Road behind former Hattie's in Biddeford Pool

 

Bridgton: Monday, July 3, at Stevens Brook Elementary School

 

Boothbay Harbor: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. from harbor

 

Camden: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. on the waterfront

 

Carrabassett Valley: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. from the airport

 

Casco: Monday, July 3 at 9:26 p.m. from Sebago Lake

 

Castine: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. from Castine Harbor

 

Chebeague Island: Saturday, July 1 at 9 p.m. on waterfront

 

Clinton: Tuesday, July 4 at 9:20 p.m. in field next to fairgrounds

 

Damariscotta: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. from Norris Point, visible from Damariscotta and Newcastle

 

Dexter: Monday, July 3 at 9 p.m. on the high school football field

 

Eastport: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. on the waterfront

 

Farmington: Monday, July 3 at 9 p.m. in Prescott Field

 

Fayette: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. from Camp Vega

 

Freeport: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. from the Freeport snow dump site

 

Fryeburg: Saturday, July 1 at 9 p.m. behind football field

 

Greenville: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. from East Cove

 

Harpswell: Monday, July 3 at 9:00 p.m. from Whites Point Road

 

Houlton: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. at the Houlton Fair

 

Jackman: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. in field behind town office

 

Kennebunk: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. on Gooch’s Beach

 

Lewiston: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. from West Pitch Community Park in Auburn (View from Veteran’s Park)

 

Limestone: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. from Cavendish Farms

 

Limington: Sunday, July 2 at 9 p.m. in the field south of Mill Pond

 

Lubec: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. on waterfront

 

Machias: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m.

 

Millinocket: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. near athletic fields

 

Mount Vernon: Sunday, July 2 at 9 p.m. from 8 Belgrade Road

 

Naples: Tuesday, July 4 at 9:15 p.m. on Long Lake

 

Ogunquit: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. at the Main Beach Parking Lot

 

Old Orchard Beach: Tuesday, July 4 at 9:45 p.m. on the beach in front of Palace Playland

 

Otis: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. on Otis Pond

 

Oxford: Saturday, July 1 at 10 p.m. from the Oxford Speedway

 

Phippsburg: Sunday, July 2 at 9 p.m. near the tennis courts on Kenyon Road

 

Poland: Monday, July 3 at 9 p.m. from the Poland Spring Resort

 

Portland: Tuesday, July 4 at 8 p.m. from Hadlock Field and 9:30 p.m. from the Eastern Prom

 

Rangeley: Monday, July 3 at 9:30 p.m. from the town park

 

Rumford: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. from Hosmer Field

 

Saco: Monday, July 3 at 9:30 p.m. from Funtown/Splashtown USA

 

Sanford: Monday, July 3 at dusk at Number One Pond

 

Scarborough: Saturday, July 1 at 9:15 p.m. from the Beech Ridge Motor Speedway

 

Searsport: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. from Mosman Park

 

Southwest Harbor: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. on the waterfront

 

Stonington: Tuesday, July 4 at 9:15 p.m. off West Main Street

 

Thomaston: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. behind the high school

 

Turner: Monday, July 3 at 9 p.m. at Ricker Hill Orchards

 

West Forks: Saturday, July 1 at 9 p.m. in camping area where Dead and Kennebec rivers meet

 

Winthrop: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. at Norcross Point Boat Launch Area

 

Wiscasset: Tuesday, July 4 at 9 p.m. over the Sheepscot River

 

York: Tuesday, July 4 at 9:30 p.m. from York Beach

 

York Harbor: Sunday, July 1 at 9 p.m. from beach at end of York Street

 

 

 

 

 

Triple-A says 44.2 million Americans have plans to travel 50 or more miles away from home this weekend.  That's 1.25 million more people than last year, and it makes this the most traveled Independence Day holiday weekend EVER.

 

The vast majority of people traveling will be going by car . . . 37.5 million.

 

The absolute WORST time to be on the road is between 2:00 and 5:00 P.M. TODAY.  So if you thought you were going to beat traffic by heading out of the office early today . . . NOPE.

 

There's also triple the normal traffic expected between 10:00 and 11:00 P.M. on the Fourth, which coincides with the conclusion of most firework displays.

 

The BEST day to be on the road between now and Tuesday is Monday, July 3rd.

 

And finally, be careful out there.  According to the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, an average of 118 people die in Fourth of July car crashes every year, mostly due to alcohol.

 

 

 

At least three out of five people say they're going to a barbecue for the Fourth of July next week . . . it's the most popular cookout day of the year.

And good news if you're hosting one:  Apparently it's not going to come anywhere CLOSE to breaking the bank.

 

The American Farm Bureau just released its annual study on how much a summer cookout should cost . . . and it's $55.70 for 10 people, or about $5.60 per person.  That seems so cheap.

 

They say that for those prices, you can buy:  Eight hot dogs and buns . . . eight cheeseburgers and buns . . . pork ribs . . . potato salad . . . baked beans . . . chips . . . condiments . . . lemonade and chocolate milk . . . and watermelon for dessert.

 

The price is down 1% from last year thanks to slightly lower meat prices. 

 

 

Thursday 6/29/17

 

Q: If you are tired, experts say doing this could boost your energy by 30%.  What is it?

A: Brushing your teeth!

 

 

Silicon Valley start-up Zume Pizza has nearly fully automated the process of making fresh, made-to-order pizza. And if you live in the area, it could be delivered in four minutes too.

 

The pizzas you buy at a grocery store are also made by machine, but Zume makes theirs fresh and customizable with high-quality ingredients. They even consider it “artisanal.”

 

They’ve even named their robots: Pepe and Giorgio are responsible for squirting the sauce onto the dough. Marta spreads it. Bruno lifts the pizzas into the oven.

 

The dough is still made by humans, though Zume has recently hired a doughbot. Eventually, the only part of the process that will require the human touch is the toppings... for now, or at least until robots have fingers as delicate as ours that can pick up a cherry tomato without squashing it.

 

With all this technology the company can make and deliver 372 pizzas an hour. They are the first company to reduce “dwell time,” which is what they call the 20 minutes your piping hot pizza is usually sliding around the back of a delivery car. They have custom delivery trucks that can bake en route so pizza will arrive fresh out the oven.

 

Through analyzing customer data and using artificial intelligence, they’re also able to predict which pizzas will be popular in certain neighborhoods during certain times. This was the truck can be preloaded and ready to serve.

 

 

Where You Need To Vacation, Per Your Zodiac Sign

 

1. Aries (March 21 - April 19)

DESTINATION: Maui, Hawaii

Maui is the best place for you to feed your adventurous soul! You love physical challenges and any kind of sport, so grab a surfboard, jet ski or scuba gear and head off to this beautiful Hawaiian island. There are plenty breathtaking hikes, waterfalls and natural water slides that make this trip COMPLETELY made for you and your active attitude!

 

 

2. Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

DESTINATION: Barcelona, Spain

Let your romantic side thrive in one of the most artistically beautiful cities! Barcelona is the second biggest city in Spain and will cater to all the high-quality experiences that you love. Shopping, eating and admiring the beautiful culture of the city will make this the best vacation for your lifestyle.

 

 

3. Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

DESTINATION: Paris, France

You are a socialite above all else, so nothing makes better sense than a vacation to one of the most popular cities! You hate being alone, which makes a city destination a perfect choice for you. You love exploring new cities, so Paris is perfect for your next getaway. You love books, magazines, and beautiful scenery.The romance of Paris will suck you in and you’ll never want to leave!

 

 

4. Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

DESTINATION: The Maldives

There’s nothing in this world you love more than relaxing by the water. The Maldives are about as close to the water as you can get, since the bungalows are literally floating in the water. Not only that, but you also love alone time to relax with close friends and family. You spend your average day taking care of others, so a trip to this tropical location will give you the relaxing time you totally deserve.

 

 

5. Leo (July 23 - August 22)

DESTINATION: London, England

Vacations are your thing, so there’s probably not a lot of places you haven’t already been. BUT, London is the perfect mix of everything you love about discovering new places. The busy energy of the city will keep you constantly busy, which you LOVE. Your love for theater, new things, and quality food makes London the perfect city to meet your always-moving personality.

 

 

6. Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

DESTINATION: Bali, Indonesia

You love nature and being around wildlife, so there’s nowhere better than Bali, Indonesia, FILLED with natural beauty you can’t find anywhere else. You will love sitting by the water and admiring the island, but you’ll also love the amazing hikes to world-famous sites like the Ubud Monkey Forest or Tanah Lot. Bali has TONS to do for your active side and your introverted side!

 

 

7. Libra (September 23 - October 22)

DESTINATION: Prince Edward Island, Canada

You love gentleness and quiet places where you can sit and think while admiring somewhere you’ve never been before. Prince Edward Island is the perfect spot for you to enjoy your love for being outdoors. The perfect boating piers, historic lighthouses, and DELICIOUS seafood will have you hooked, line and sinker (no pun intended).

 

 

8. Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

DESTINATION: Cape Town, South Africa

You will love the beauty, life, and passion of Cape Town, South Africa! This huge port city has a bustling night life, but it also has natural beauty that includes mountains for hiking and beaches for swimming.They pretty much have EVERYTHING you could ask for, including penguins on the beach!

 

 

9. Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

DESTINATION: Rome, Italy

You have the travel bug worse than anyone else, it never seems to leave you! You have probably dreamed up every vacation imaginable, but out of all of them, Rome is the place you NEED to be. You’re pretty easy to please; if it’s new and exciting, you’re in. But Rome has SO much more to offer. The art, food, and weather will have you outside exploring all day, you won’t ever want to leave!

 

 

10. Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

DESTINATION: Thailand

Now, I know that the idea of leaving work and going on vacation makes you so stressed out, take a breather for a second and consider a cultural, educational and relaxing experience in the breathtaking islands of Thailand. You will love learning about Thai culture, food, and customs on this vacation.

 

 

11. Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

DESTINATION: Bora Bora

You love your alone time, so what better place to be than a secluded island full of luxury and relaxation? Bora Bora has bungalows held up on stilts in the water, so a dip in this crystal blue water is LITERALLY out your back door. On top of that, there’s a well-protected coral reef that is perfect for scuba diving. You will love relaxing, appreciating the beauty of the ocean and appreciating the time you have there.

 

 

12. Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

DESTINATION: Florence, Italy

Fill your romantic side with an Italian city that will DEFINITELY steal your heart. The art in Florence could keep you there for an eternity, but the city itself is a masterpiece. All the history, museums, music and food you could ask for! Walking the streets of Florence will captivate your artistic insight and the Italian culture will make you feel at home in this colorful city.

 

 

10 things you might be doing wrong every day

 

10. Breathing

Unless you're dead, you're breathing and that's all there is to it, right? Although there isn't a "wrong" way to breathe, there's a more efficient way that increases your energy and gives your body more oxygen: belly breathing, which for some reason we stop doing past the baby stage. But if babies can do it, so can we!

 

9. Peeing in a Urinal

Pee should not haphaz


 


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